Standing by her side
Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it. For us, it came in the form of three words that changed everything: “You have cancer.” Hearing those words directed at my then fiancée, now wife, it felt like the ground beneath me had given way. With our age difference, we had always joked about me being the one getting old and needing to be looked after, and it was hard to comprehend that it would be the other way round. And with, at the time, an average prognosis of 18-24 months for Stage IV inflammatory breast cancer, suddenly everything we had planned for the future was clouded by uncertainty.
From the moment we received the diagnosis, emotions ran high. Fear, anger, sadness, and even guilt have all made their appearances. Watching someone you love endure pain and fear is indescribable. I wanted to be strong for her, but there were moments when I felt completely helpless. Quite rightly, all the concentration is on the patient, but it is not easy to always be the positive one when the one you love is slowly being torn apart by the relentless juggernaut of chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy.
One thing I have learned is the importance of communication. We had more honest, raw conversations in the first few months than in our entire relationship to date, and those conversations continue. Sometimes, all I could do was be with her and let her know she was not alone. And it’s in all those moments that our bond has grown even stronger.
Cancer doesn’t just affect the person diagnosed, it ripples through your entire family and friends. We’ve made an effort to keep everyone informed, but it’s a fine line between being honest and not overwhelming them with fear. We’re fortunate to have the support of family and friends who’ve been there for us, but it is still hard to explain to people, especially as time has gone on, why Kat isn’t the Kat she used to be.
Watching my wife go through chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy was both heartbreaking and inspiring. Her strength amazed me every day, and still does. Sometimes, the side effects hit hard and all I could do was be there, offering whatever comfort I could. And even though the cancer seems now at bay, some days are better than others and there are ongoing side effects to contend with. Life never goes back to the way it once was, it just adapts.
Amidst all the fear and uncertainty, there have been moments of hope. Each successful treatment, each small victory, whether it’s a good day with less pain or a clear scan, gives us the strength to keep going. And we’ve learned to cherish the small things, like quiet days together or time with friends and family.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of taking things one day at a time. The future may be uncertain, but by focusing on the present, we find our strength. Our love for each other has been our anchor, keeping us steady through the storms.
Cancer is a word, not a sentence. While the journey is far from over, we’re facing it together, hand in hand. For anyone reading this who might be going through something similar, know that you’re not alone. Lean on your loved ones, communicate openly, and above all, hold on to hope. Life may never be the same, but together you can find your way through.
Who Really Cares?
Phil Southwell